When Love & Hate Collide
by Ultrawoman
Summary: A collection of 4 unrelated, somewhat suggestive, Eliot & Sterling one-shots, originally written for a prompts and as gifts over at Livejournal, re-posted here for those that have not seen them. All prompts by sigrundora; all fics rated T/PG-13; just about as close to slash as I sail!
1. Sun, Sea, Sand, Sterling, and Spencer

**Title:** Sun, Sea, Sand, Sterling, and Spencer

 **Rating:** PG-13

 **Prompt:** Holiday

 **Setting:** unknown

 **Word Count:** 617

"Hello, Spencer."

Two words was all he spoke, but Eliot knew that voice anywhere and it made his blood boil in his veins.

"Sterling," he ground out the reply, turning to greet him with a fake smile that barely made it out of grimace territory. "Why'd you bring me here?" he asked, eyes darting to the crowds of people wandering by - happy couples, happy families.

"What? You're not pleased to be getting a free holiday in the sun?" the Interpol agent smiled, waving a hand in the general direction of the surroundings. "Sun, sea, sand, and yours truly," he said with a grin that Eliot would love to wipe off his face one way or the other. "What more could you possibly want?"

"If I wanted a vacation, I'd take one," the hitter said sharply, arms folded across his chest. "As far as beach buddies go? You don't even make the _bottom_ of the list."

"Tut-tut, Eliot," said Sterling shaking his head as if he were scolding a child. "Now is that any way to speak to the man that holds your future in his hands?" he asked, leaning in close to whisper in his ear. "I say the word, and you're on a plane to a Myanmar jail, faster than you can blink," he smirked annoyingly as he pulled back to look the hitter in the eye. "Even you have fears, and I'm guessing that scenario does indeed make the _top_ of Spencer's 'most scary' list."

Eliot bit his lip and clenched his fists. If he hit this guy, if he even said the wrong thing, he knew damn well Sterling would do what he said. Jail wasn't a great option anywhere, but the kind of country he was talking about, there was no way Eliot Spencer was going through that, not again, not now.

"One more time," he said in a low voice. "Why. Am I. Here?" he asked pointedly.

Sterling continued to smirk.

"Quite simple," he nodded once, turning to lean on the railing, looking out over the sand and the sea beyond. "My line of work, much like yours, develops an impressive list of enemies. I want a holiday, get away from things, but I'm always looking over my shoulder," he explained. "With you here, I have someone to look for me."

"You need protection?" asked Eliot, clearly shocked. "Seriously, you came to choosin' a bodyguard and you picked me?"

"Who else is better qualified to guard my body?" asked Sterling with a look that said too much.

Eliot had at least six answers to that but declined to give any of them. The pair of them shook off the moment, both turning their focus back to the view then.

This wasn't such a bad deal, Eliot realised, as Sterling explained how he had paid for the whole thing, hotel rooms and meals, all inclusive. All the hitter had to do was stick close to his charge and take care he didn't get hurt or worse. As much as he could hate Sterling, he had to respect the guy for the solid plan used in getting him here, and a stunning choice of vacation spot.

"How do you know I won't just wait til you're asleep and then deal with you?" asked Eliot when Sterling was done with his explanation.

With eyes still on the horizon, he only felt the man beside him move closer.

"Promises, promises," he said near his ear then turned to walk away, with a chuckle that was unmistakable.

It was going to be a long two weeks, and yet Eliot was smiling as he followed Sterling to the car. Nothing to say it couldn't also be fun.


	2. Fight Like Hell

**Title:** Fight Like Hell

 **Rating:** PG-13

 **Prompt:** movie night at Leverage HQ

 **Setting:** Season 3 or 4?

 **Word Count:** 906

Movie night at Leverage HQ was a little different tonight. When Eliot got his chance to choose what the team would be watching, he had hoped they'd at least see it through to the end, but no. Sophie flinched at the first sign of violence, then made some excuse about needing her beauty sleep and went to bed. Parker had headed to the kitchen a while back and never come back - the draft over Eliot's left shoulder told him she'd gone out the window - and Hardison had gone searching for her ten minutes later. That left Nate, who was still present in the room, but drunk enough he was sound asleep in the armchair already. That just left Eliot alone, well, not quite alone. Thanks to their latest job coupled with a huge mistrust on the hitter's part, Sterling was currently sat by the couch, tied tightly to a chair from the dining room table.

It was hardly a comfortable position for him to sleep in, and there was no way for him to escape, but Eliot was still surprised to realise the Interpol officer was actually watching the movie with interest. He wondered vaguely if he ever saw it before, if he was actually enjoying what he was watching, but he didn't ask, because he didn't really care, at least that's what he told himself.

"I can't believe the rest of your co-called team walked away from this," said Sterling then, as if he had heard Eliot's thoughts or something. "It's Bullitt! It's a bloody classic!" he pointed out, turning awkwardly to glance at the hitter.

"You like this movie?" he checked, swigging from his beer bottle. " _You_?"

"Yes, Spencer, me!" he rolled his eyes. "What's not to like about Steve McQueen? I'm surprised _you_ like it, since he's playing a cop. Aren't we your sworn enemies?"

"Don't!" Eliot almost spat beer everywhere just trying to get that word out as emphatically as possible. "Don't put yourself in the same class as McQueen, okay?" he told him snippily, gesturing towards the TV with the bottle in his hand. "This guy, he's... he's a legend. You're not even worthy to watch his movies."

Sterling almost expected it when Eliot suddenly got up and swivelled the chair around so the Interpol agent was facing the wall rather than the TV screen.

"Well, that's not extremely childish, is it?" he told the hitter, even as Eliot smirked in satisfaction.

"Shut your mouth, or I'll gag you too," he grumbled as he went back to watching the movie.

It was all of two minutes later that he realised something was wrong with the audio, or at least it seemed that way. He was all aware of the fact that Hardison had speakers all over the apartment to get the best possible surround sound, but still. It was almost as if someone was echoing all of Bullitt's lines... in an English accent?

"Sterling!" he ground out, looking back over his shoulder and glaring at the other guy. "Shut up!"

"What's up, Spencer? The British bloke not supposed to know the words, is that it?" he asked looking back at him with a sparkle of fun in his eyes. "Newsflash, Sparky, Bullitt was an inspiration to me too."

Eliot laughed out-loud at that, pausing the dvd and giving Sterling his full attention now.

"Bullitt inspired you?" he echoed what he thought he was hearing but could hardly believe. "He stood up for what he believed in. He watched a man he swore to protect die. He made the hardest choice, between the woman he loved and the job he swore to do."

"And you don't think I understand that?" asked Sterling, with more anger in his looks and tone than Eliot ever expected. "You think you're the only one to lose people, Spencer, to watch people suffer because of something you've done? You think that you're the only one to have loved and lost in your pathetic little life? Guess again."

Eliot got more and more angry as Sterling tried to cut him down, the two of them staring into each other's face, practically radiating fury. The intensity of their gaze was such that if in a movie itself, the moment ought to end with a punch... or a kiss. As it was, it ended with a pair of smiles, led by the hitter and echoed by the Interpol agent.

It seemed wrong to think it and yet realisation hit them both in the same moment. They fought so hard because they saw a flicker of themselves in the others eyes. It was normal for people so similar on the inside, to repel on the outside, when perhaps they really ought to be closer because of it.

"When I believe in something..." said Eliot slowly, pausing very deliberately as he kept returning Sterling's intense look.

"...I fight like hell for it," he completed the famous McQueen quote with a smile.

Eliot smirked, got up from his place on the couch to turn the chair back towards the TV. Once back in his seat, he flipped the dvd back on and relaxed a little.

"You're still not going to untie me, are you?" asked Sterling with a heavy sigh.

"Maybe later," the hitter shrugged, sending a wink his way. "If you ask nice."

Sterling bit his tongue and concentrated on the movie, but the smirk on his lips was unmistakable.


	3. Unsubstantiated Rumour

**Title:** Unsubstantiated Rumour

 **Rating:** PG-13

 **Prompt:** _"How many times have I told you not to do that?"_

 **Setting:** post-series

 **Word Count:** 1,384

"How many times have I told you not to do that?" Eliot fumed, looking up at the ceiling vent where Parker was singing at him... again.

She had been pretty unbearable ever since Hardison went away. It was only a few days in San Diego for Comic Con, and whilst the hacker was gone, his team-mates were supposed to take a little well-earnt time off. It would've been fine. Eliot had plans to spend time alone at home, tend his garden, meditate a little. All that got blown to hell when Sterling showed up.

Any normal situation and Eliot would've bounced the Interpol guy off all four walls and ceiling before throwing him out... preferably from a third floor window onto his ass. Unfortunately, Parker had decided to take charge, and when she heard that Sterling was looking for them to help him pull a con that would save some impoverished families from further problems, well, there really wasn't anything to do but help, besides, even Eliot had to admit, they kind of owed Sterling for letting them get away with their last major con as a five-piece.

Working together hadn't been so bad. They stuck to the plan, concentrated on the parts they were playing, and got the job done. Unfortunately, when Sterling tried to use his cover as the brother of a patient they were visiting in a care home, Eliot had floundered. Sterling had to save the day, and of all things, he turned around and said that Eliot was his lover!

It had been bad enough that time at the rehab place when Hardison put his arm through Eliot's own and said they were 'together' in front of a very pretty nurse. Having to pretend to enjoy being up close and personal with James Sterling in any way at all was not something Eliot ever enjoyed, even less so when it was implied they were sleeping together.

Of course, Parker had found the whole thing absolutely hilarious. She also seemed to believe the cover was true, although Eliot couldn't decide whether she was just pretending to be that dumb to annoy him - he was pretty sure that was exactly what she was doing.

"Sterling and Eliot sitting in a tree!" she began again. "K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

Eliot growled low in his throat, slamming the oven door for good measure. Sterling only laughed.

"She's got problems, hasn't she?" he chuckled, looking up at the ceiling as he heard the thief scurrying round.

"She's not the only one," Eliot muttered, serving food only to place it with as light a delicacy as he could manage in his state of anger.

"Well, this looks very nice," Sterling admitted, sipping his wine as he looked at the meal Eliot had prepared. "Almost... romantic?" he teased.

It wasn't that he was any more gay than Eliot was, but the hitter was getting so tightly wound about the whole thing, it was way too much fun to carry on screwing with him. Sterling realised too late that maybe that was the wrong turn of phrase to use in the circumstances, but at least it was only inside his own head!

"You can shut the hell up anytime, Sterling!" Eliot snapped, slamming down the pan he'd been holding. "The only reason you're here is so our cover isn't blown. The only reason all your limbs are still attached to your pathetic little body is because I'm supposed to play for the good guys these days."

He got very much in Sterling's face as he made his threats, and Parker's unmistakable giggle permeated from the ceiling (or possibly the wall) when the Interpol agent grinned at the hitter.

"You are gorgeous when you're angry," he said smirking, backing off immediately because he was aware that if he pushed Eliot's buttons too much he might just snap.

"Parker, get your butt down here. Now!" the hitter yelled, not exactly sure when she was right now but knowing he needed to get a decent meal into her already.

She was so much more grown up and sensible when she was leading the team. With Hardison gone and Sterling in the mix, she seemed to have reverted to her child-like self, which meant Eliot was back to playing big brother until she calmed the hell down. The kissing song started up again, proving she wasn't there yet. Eliot growled.

"Seriously though, Spencer," said Sterling as he took a seat at the table and waited for Eliot to bring over the plates for dinner. "You know what they say about blokes that get so riled up at the prospect of a little man-on-man action..."

"I'm not homophobic or anything!" Eliot protested immediately. "I know guys that like girls, guys that like guys, hell, guys that couldn't choose who they liked better. That doesn't matter to me."

"Oh, I never said it did," Sterling assured him, placing down his wine glass just so on the table, not at all phased by the huffing and puffing Eliot was doing, or how red his face was turning.

"No, that's not what he meant," said Parker, so suddenly that both men jumped.

At some point she had reappeared in the room and was now sat on the kitchen counter. Eliot was not happy about her ass being on his cooking surfaces.

"Get down!" he told her shortly, pulling out a chair at the table and gesturing for her to come sit in it already.

She stuck out her tongue, but did as she was asked.

"That wasn't what you meant, right?" she said to Sterling as Eliot fetched her dinner over to the table. "I remember Sophie told me that some guys protest too much. They deny liking other guys and they sleep with a lot of women to hide the fact that they're actually gay," she explained.

"I am not gay!" snapped Eliot, trying his hardest not to slam the plates down so hard that the china cracked - it was touch and go to be honest. "I have no problem with people who are gay, I just ain't one of 'em, okay?"

"Nobody actually said you were, Spencer," shrugged Sterling, placing his napkin in his lap without a care, as if he had no idea what the problem was.

"That is true," Parker agreed, picking her way through the vegetables on her plate. "Eliot and Sterling sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G..." she started again then, looking over at Eliot with a wicked smirk on her lips - it was just too much fun to make him mad sometimes.

Sterling cracked up. Laughed so hard that if he had any wine in his mouth at that point he would've sprayed the whole table. Eliot was mad about it for like three seconds before he had a thought. A smirk came over his lips to rival Parker's own as he walked over to the table and took his seat. He smiled, even laughed a little, as Sterling went more and more red from great heaving guffaws and chuckles.

"So funny," Eliot said, laughing himself, watching Parker giggle madly before turning his attention to the guy at the end of the table. "Hey, Sterling?"

"Wha..?" was the only sound the guy managed to make before Eliot's hand snaked behind his head, pulling him close, the hitter's tongue plundering into Sterling's mouth uninvited.

Parker gasped with shock, and then started up giggling again at the display. She tilted her head to one side staring. She never saw two guys kiss before. She certainly never saw Eliot kiss another man. It was a funny and weird sight at first, and then she just kind of couldn't look away.

Suddenly it was over, Eliot turned straight in his seat and picked up his knife and fork to eat. He didn't even spare Sterling a second glance as he looked over at Parker and nodded to her plate.

"Eat your dinner, Parker," he told her.

"Yes, sir," she said dutifully, doing as she was told, wondering what the heck was going to happen if she didn't!

Sterling sat silently for a moment, then worked his jaw with his left hand, trying to get some feeling back. Suddenly, clearing his throat, he started eating. There was no more talking after that.


	4. The Babysitters Club

**Title:** The Babysitters Club

 **Rating:** PG-13

 **Prompt:** Adventures in Babysitting

 **Setting:** post-series

 **Word Count:** 1265

"First rule of the Babysitter's Club, never talk about Babysitter's Club," said Eliot darkly.

Parker cracked up, sure he was making a joke. She stopped abruptly when she realised he wasn't.

"Seriously? We can't tell anybody about this? 'Cause I thought..."

"No!" said Sterling sharply, coming off much less severe than he meant to when the baby in his arms suddenly stuck his little fingers in the Interpol agent's mouth.

That even got a chuckle out of Eliot. It was a pretty crazy situation they had got themselves into. The job had come up on a holiday weekend that the team had hoped to take off. Hardison was away visiting his Nana, so it was up to Eliot and Parker to go it alone, well, not quite alone. Sterling had gotten himself involved, and due to a ridiculous attempt at a cover story that back-fired, the baby son of the rich businessmen they were supposed to be taking down had quite literally been dumped in the laps of Eliot, Parker, and their not-so-friendly Interpol agent frenemy.

"Look, we just gotta find somebody else to take little Joey here off our hands," said Eliot easily. "A nanny, a maid, this house has to be crawling with staff..."

"Except that it's not," said Parker with a look. "You remember the part where we waited until the house was on minimum staff levels to break in, right?"

"Damnit!" the hitter muttered.

Sterling moved awkwardly as the baby continued to wriggle and squirm in his arms. Giving up entirely, he handed the child over to Eliot, dumping him unceremoniously into the hitters arms.

"You two deal with the child," he said snippily. "I'll find us an escape route. Can't be that hard."

"You scared of a little kid, Sterling?" asked Eliot as he backed off way too much, as if Joey were in fact an unexploded bomb.

"Hardly, Spencer. I am a father, as you well know," the agent replied with a smirk.

"I don't think you really got your hands dirty there from what I heard," Eliot shook his head. "And you ain't exactly lovin' the little bundle we got ourselves stuck with."

"I think he's cute," said Parker, ruffling the small child's hair and getting his attention. "You're cute, you know that, right?" she smiled at him.

Joey babbled something incoherent and clapped his hands. Eliot laughed and hefted the child higher in his arms.

"Look, all we gotta do is..." he stopped talking abruptly when a sound caught his attention.

Turning around to face the door, he determined two sets of footsteps, and the cocking of at least one gun. His eyes narrowed, and he handed off the child to Parker. Not daring to speak when he might be heard, he signalled what he needed her to do then moved quickly, dragging Sterling by the sleeve towards the closet in which the two were soon secreted.

"What the hell are you...?" Sterling began to ask, but Eliot literally stopped him with a hand over his mouth.

He signalled for silence with his free hand too, just to emphasise the point. It was safest for Parker to be alone with the baby, she could pass herself off as the new nanny to anyone that asked, and if things got bad, Eliot had the element of surprise on his side now.

For ten whole minutes, Eliot and Sterling stayed in amongst clothes and shoes, rather more pressed up against each other than either would like. They listened as two men came into the baby's room and quizzed Parker on why she was there, where Joey's parents were. She put on an Eastern block accent, stuck to generic answers, mostly pleading ignorance, whilst keeping a cover story in place. Whoever had the gun, they must've kept it hidden, and soon the mysterious armed men were leaving with no more trouble.

"Hey, guys?" Parker called softly near the door. "You can come out of the closet now," she said cheerfully.

Sterling and Eliot shared a look a they stepped out one after the other, both shaking their heads and deciding Parker couldn't possibly have meant what that sounded like. Either way, they weren't going to make a big deal about it, it wasn't worth it.

Joey laughed and clapped his hands, wriggling for Parker to put him down onto the floor. Once there he happily crawled around everybody's feet, finding it quite an amusing game. Eliot couldn't help but smile, even though this was a pretty serious situation they were in, the baby included.

"I'm guessing it's not literally the baby they're after or they would've fought me for him," said Parker thoughtfully. "Same if it was something they thought was hidden in the room, right?"

"Right," Eliot nodded.

"They probably thought his father was hiding out in here, using the kid for cover," said Sterling.

"No, if they thought that, they would've found us," the hitter disagreed. "Last thing we need right now is another variable," he sighed, rubbing his forehead as he tried to figure out where they went from here.

All deep in thought, nobody noticed that baby Joey was making a serious face, something akin to severe concentration, though no nine month old should ever have a need to think that hard. He was practically sat on Sterling's fancy Italian shoes when he started to cry and fuss.

"What?" asked the agent as he stared down at the baby. "What is the matter with you now?" he checked, leaning down some.

He recoiled in horror as a pungent odour assaulted his nose.

"Oh no, I am not paid enough for that!" he complained.

"What?" said Parker curiously, before backing up at least eight paces when she realised what was wrong. "Ick. No way!" she shook her head vehemently, determined she wasn't going to be the one to deal either.

Eliot was plenty tough enough to do this, the hitter thought to himself, and yet he would like to avoid it if he could.

"Parker," he said, glancing her way. "Find us an exit, one that'll get us and junior out unscathed," he told her, just this side of an order which she would usually argue, but in the circumstances, she'd take it. "I'll check the perimeter and try to call Hardison, see if he can knock out some cameras remotely. I don't wanna mess up his Nana's visit, but we need help here."

"Who's going to deal with...?" Sterling began before catching sight of the smirk on Eliot's face. "Oh, no. Not a chance, Spencer," he said definitely.

Eliot leaned in close to Sterling until their noses practically touched.

"You got two options, Sterling," he told him in a low voice that made the other man shiver involuntarily. "You deal with the kid or..."

"Or what?" the agent asked, trying to look brave, failing miserably.

"Else," said Eliot simply.

Sterling swallowed hard, took a deep breath, and then bent down to pick up baby Joey. He walked away towards the changing table, and Eliot bit his lip until he was over by the window, out of sight of the agent. He speed-dialled his friend's cell and waited for him to pick up.

"Hey, Hardison. Need a little help, man. But first, you won't believe what I got Sterling doing..."


End file.
